Superheroes Always Win
by cakelover2468
Summary: "Hey, Celestial Girl. It looks like your winning streak is finally - dammit, you're hot." - NaLu supervillain/hero AU. (no longer a one-shot)
1. The Monologue

**Because I ship NaLu hard enough to write something this insane. Also, I like supervillains. And superheroes. They're fun.**

So Natsu Dragneel was a supervillain.

But he wasn't just any supervillain.

He was the _best_ supervillain in the whole entire world, dammit, and nothing Gray Fullbuster said would _ever_ prove that wrong, no matter what that one idiotic reporter said that one time in that one newspaper. The _best._

Yes, Natsu truly was the greatest supervillain in the world, and he was also about to prove that fact by becoming _the first supervillain to ever defeat their archenemy._

Yes, as you may have guessed by now, Natsu Dragneel had just succeeded in capturing his greatest archenemy, some superhero who called herself Celestial Girl. It had taken him three years, five months, a week, and three days, according to his secretary, Levy McGarden. According to Natsu, it had taken him much too long.

Anyway, he'd gotten hold of her in the end with his faithful Fire Dragon superbot, so now it was time for the most crucial moment of any supervillain's career. _The Monologue._

Yes, this was the point where many, many villains had stupidly allowed their archenemies to escape, and yes, they were still doing the whole monologue thing. It wasn't as if they had a choice. Article Five, Section Three, Part Two of the Supervillains' Code of Being Evil stated specifically that "every villain _must_ stun their archenemies with a long and dignified speech regarding their masterminded plan." Therefore, Natsu was forced to prepare a speech, or risk the scornful stares of his fellow supervillains, such as Gray Fullbuster, aka Ice Make. A horror that he would never, ever allow to happen.

Natsu shuffled through the index cards that held his speech notes one last time. The shackles were secure. His minions were faithful. Everything was going according to plan.

"BRING HER IN!"

His loyal minions entered the room, dragging Celestial Girl behind them. She was probably glaring daggers at him, but Natsu couldn't see her, due to the fact that his spinny chair was facing the other way. He wanted to get in a moment of mystery before revealing his face to his archenemy.

Slowly, he spun the chair around. "Hey, Celestial Girl. It looks like your winning streak is finally – _dammit you're hot."_

 _Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, what?_

What _demon_ had just randomly possessed his brain and forced him to say that?

He fumbled for a correction, but she interrupted him with a bewildered, _"What?"_

"Uh. Er. Ah… I mean, uh, I'm going to tell you my evil plan now!" Natsu stammered. "I have brought you here to witness the greatest victory of the world – _the creation of a giant pizza!_ Wait. Actually, that's not right." He tried to check his cards, but accidentally ended up dropping them instead. " _Crap."_

"Are you okay?" Celestial Girl asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Perfectly fine," Natsu squeaked, because usually, when they fought, she was a speeding blur of light that would somehow blast holes through everything he threw at her. He'd never seen her up close before, he realized, much, much too late. Heck, he'd never seen her _in person_ before, technically. And, unfortunately, she was hot.

 _Crap she's hot what do I do what do I do oh no she's hot…_

"TAKE HER AWAY!" he ordered his minions, before he could embarrass himself any further. Once they were gone, he fought to regain his composure, hoping for dear life that his cheeks weren't too red.

"So _that's_ why we supervillains always fail."


	2. If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em

**Due to popular request, this is now a multi-chap! Enjoy dorky villain Natsu and superhero Lucy!**

* * *

"You are literally the dumbest idiot I have ever met."

Gajeel stared incredulously at his cousin, who slumped under the stare. "You actually managed to capture your flipping _archenemy –_ and then you screwed up the Monologue because you couldn't freaking _grow_ some?"

"Shut up," Natsu mumbled from inside his extra-high, specially made supervillain collar. "Nobody told me she was going to be hot."

Gajeel threw up his hands. "Unbelievable."

" _I_ did," Lisanna cut in. "I specifically stated, many times, that I thought you two would get together. I mean, love and hate go hand in hand, don't they?"

"You once shipped a snail with a cactus, Lis, you can't expect me to believe anything you say about romance ever again," Natsu mumbled. "But seriously – what do I _do?"_

"I'll tell you what you do – you go into your dungeon, apologize for everything you've done all these years, and then offer her some cake before allowing her to go free," Lisanna told him. "Honestly, Natsu, at this point, I don't know what else there is _to_ do. She obviously already knows, considering your reaction to her true face."

Natsu buried his face in his hands. "Kill me now."

"Tempting," Gajeel commented. "Well, leave me out of all this. I just needed to borrow your secretary for a while. I've got a stack of paperwork to BS on, and it's not going to do itself, you know."

"Like you aren't going to spend the whole time sucking face instead of actually working!" Natsu shouted after him, but Gajeel was already out the door and slamming it shut. He slumped in his seat.

"So… Lisanna. Any tips on either suicide or love potions?"

* * *

He thought she was hot.

This was all Lucy's dazed brain was saying as she contemplated her actions.

It'd been a while since she'd last heard anyone compliment her that way. Of course, she was a superhero, so people did talk, but it was always _Celestial Girl_ they were talking about and never _Lucy._ Lucy was ordinary, and boring, and normal. Celestial Girl was beautiful, and amazing, and great. And that was what bothered her to no end.

Because even in Salamander's case, it was Celestial Girl that he liked, and not _Lucy_. He didn't even know Lucy. Lucy was a person that would never gain his attention, someone that boys never even bothered with. Lucy was just… well, _Lucy._

And she didn't even know why it bothered her so much that he would never know and could never like _Lucy_. She also didn't know when she started _enjoying_ all these encounters with Salamander, because when she faced off against him, they'd exchange the stupidest comments and have the weirdest banters and it'd feel like she was Lucy again and not Celestial Girl, and that he didn't care that she wasn't some great, wonderful superhero icon. With Salamander, she didn't have to hold back. She could get down and dirty, and it was great.

Until he actually found out what Celestial Girl looked like, and thought she was hot.

That wasn't too great, actually.

Lucy took a deep breath. She'd tell him whenever he decided to visit her. Because of course he was going to come and visit her – no villain would leave their archenemy in the dungeon forever. Sooner or later, he'd show up. And she'd tell him that it was impossible.

He couldn't ever be interested in someone as boring as _Lucy._

But how long would it take? Three days? One day? A month? She wasn't sure if she'd be able to wait that lo –

And then the door slammed open, and there was her answer: one second.

"Uh, hey, Celestial Girl?" Salamander's voice called out. "You decent?"

She snorted instinctively, responding with, "How could I _not_ be decent? You locked me up in a prison cell. What am I supposed to change into?"

"Well, I don't know. You'll think of something, you always do." His footsteps grew closer, and all of a sudden, there he was, peering in through the prison bars. "Uh… So, want cake or something?"

"Cake? You're trying to _poison_ me now?"

"I was trying to be _nice_ ," he grumbled. "So, uh, about earlier. Forget everything I said?"

 _Oh. Of course_. Lucy felt her spirits sinking. Of course he wasn't interested. They hated each other. They were flipping _archenemies,_ for Mavis's sake. He was a supervillain, and she was a superhero, and there was no way it could possibly work. No way. At all.

"Yeah, okay, sure," she sighed. "So, is this the part where you finish your monologue thingy and try to kill me already?"

Salamander fidgeted a little. "Uh, more like this is the part where I give you cake and debate whether or not to let you go."

"Let me go?" She stared at him. "Why in the world would you let me go?"

"Because… Because…" Salamander stammered. "Actually, I don't even know. Why should I let you go? We're enemies. Why am I even trying to be nice?"

Lucy paused for a second as realization dawned.

It was a crazy idea.

Insane.

Possibly suicidal.

But if it worked, then she might just be able to hang out with Salamander a little bit more and figure out all these weird feelings.

Win-win, right?

… Yeah. It was dumb. But she was going to do it anyway.

Lucy swallowed. "Actually… you know what? Don't let me go. In fact, keep me forever."

Salamander stared at her like she'd grown an extra head. "What?"

And that was when Lucy got to her feet and did the absolute dumbest thing she'd ever done.

"I'm joining you," she said firmly. "Teach me how to be a supervillain."


	3. Kids, Do Not Drink This At Home

Of course, Natsu protested. But, unfortunately, she had puppy-dog eyes. And that was definitely an unfair advantage.

"Lesson number one," he said, tossing her a book. They were out of the dungeon now, and in his study, where he kept all the cool-looking books he never read. Except for the one she was holding right now, of course. "The Villains' Rulebook. All these rules are absolute. Do not disobey them, no matter what."

Lucy flipped through it, her nose wrinkling in disgust. "'A villain absolutely _must_ wear a delectably villainous outfit, meant to strike fear into the hearts of those who oppose them.' _Seriously?_ "

"Don't dis the Book, the Book is law," lectured Natsu. "And if you mess with the supervillain laws, Erza will come after you with her breadsticks. Which you do not want, trust me. But we can deal with that later. First, we need to fix that outfit of yours, pronto."

Lucy looked down at her pink, comfortable, spandex uniform, then back up at her former nemesis. "What _about_ my outfit?"

"Uh, for one thing, it's _pink_."

"What's wrong with pink? It's the color of your hair."

"Uh, yeah, okay, pink _hair_ is cool. But on a supervillain outfit? I can't have a minion who wears _pink_. I'll be laughed at for the rest of eternity."

Lucy paused. Squinted at him. Repeated his words back. " _Minion?"_

"You're a villain-in-training, working under me. That makes you a minion. Actually, as a minion, what you usually do is kill or humiliate me and then take your rightful place in the world as a supervillain, but I'd rather skip that part if you don't mind. You've already caused me enough embarrassment as it is."

Lucy folded her arms, indignant. "That was _totally_ your fault, not mine. And I absolutely refuse to be called a minion."

"Well, that's not up to you to decide. You wanted in on this business, you start at the bottom like everybody else. Which means that from this point on, Celestial Girl, you're a _minion_." Natsu turned around to fix her with the sternest look he could muster, which was actually really hard because _damn,_ she was pretty, and those brown eyes were really, really good at doing Bambi eyes, and oh, no, she was fixing him with those _again_ , and – _whoa whoa whoa wait,_ he couldn't back down to his _minion._ Stay strong, Natsu. Stay strong.

"Any questions?" he managed in a decent manner. His voice hadn't even cracked or anything, thank God. Maybe he was getting better at this stuff.

Lucy cocked her head to the side and frowned. What came out of her mouth was something he didn't expect. "It's Lucy."

Natsu blinked. "What?"

"It's Lucy. _Celestial Girl_ sounds a little awkward now that we're on the same side."

"Lucy," he repeated, rolling the word around in his mouth. It felt strange, yet a little familiar. It fit her somehow.

"Yup. Lucy. Actually, can we continue this tomorrow? I'm running a bit late for dinner. I do have a secret identity, you know."

"Oh, yeah, right." Natsu glanced at his wrist, then realized he didn't have a watch and blushed. "Uh. Well. You can leave through the window, right?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," he echoed, the words feeling awkward in his mouth. It was strange being so polite to _anyone,_ let alone his (former) nemesis.

Lucy gave a brief nod before throwing the windows wide open. Right before she took off, he blurted, "Wait!"

She turned, looking confused as he hurriedly told her, "Natsu."

Lucy blinked and repeated it. "Natsu?"

"My name. Since you told me yours."

"Natsu," she echoed before breaking into a brilliant smile. "Well then, see you tomorrow, Natsu."

"Yeah," Natsu said with a million mixed-up feelings in his heart. "See you tomorrow, Lucy."

* * *

"You're gonna die," Rogue said matter-of-factly.

Of course, this absolutely did not stop his brother from dumping an entire can of Beast energy drink into his mug of coffee and gulping the whole concoction down in total bliss.

"Have a life, bro," Sting responded, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Dang, I can _feel_ the buzz."

"You just took ten years off your life and will not be able to sleep for a week."

" _Totally_ worth it. Hey! There's Yukino! Want some, Yukino?" Sting held out a mug and another can of energy drink to the white-haired girl entering their room, who thankfully refused the offer.

"We can't all charge up our superpowers with extra energy the way you do," she teased. "I might actually die."

Sting shrugged, feathers unruffled. "True. Hey, where are the others, anyway? Usually, Lucy's the first to show up."

Yukino hesitated for a second.

"Um, actually, about that. We might have a slight problem."

"Problem? Like what, a supervillain attack or something?" Sting questioned, still sipping his heart-attack-inducing drink. "Please. This is a superheroes' meeting, for Pete's sake. We can take whoever it is and be back in time to order in pizza. Actually, speaking of pizza…"

" _No,"_ Rogue said firmly. "We're trying to save money here. And you always order _anchovies_."

"Don't hate on the anchovies, man! _Do. Not. Hate."_

Yukino gently cleared her throat, bringing the two boys' attention back to the matter at hand. "Um…"

"Oh, yeah, right." Sting swung his legs around so that he was facing her. "Sorry about that. What's the problem?"

"Well…" She twisted the hem of her shirt in her hands. "The thing is, Lucy has somehow switched sides."

Sting promptly spat out his drink. "Say _what?"_

Rogue's jaw also dropped, a rare sight. "Lucy? As in, _our_ Lucy? As in, _Celestial Girl?"_

"Yeah, I know, it's weird. But here's the thing." Yukino leaned in. "I don't think it was her decision."

Sting frowned, suddenly serious. "You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting, are you?"

Yukino nodded sharply. "Remember yesterday, when Salamander built that Fire Dragon superbot and Lucy got herself captured? Well, she was fine when she went in, but when she came back out…"

"You don't think Salamander _brainwashed_ her?" Rogue questioned, his voice hushed, because brainwashing was a serious matter. And Lucy knew a _lot_ about the superheroes, including their weaknesses. Fighting her… well, let's just say it'd be a big pain in the bacon.

"Definitely," Yukino nodded. "It's the only way I can imagine. There's no other reason why Lucy would want to join Salamander."

"B-But _brainwashing,"_ Sting spluttered. "That's just… That's just _no."_

Rogue considered it for a moment before slowly nodding. "I don't like it either, but it does make sense. So… what do we do?"

Yukino bit her lip, thinking it over, but Sting responded before she could.

"We gotta get Lucy _back,_ obviously. Okey-doke, first things first. Where the heck is Romeo?"


	4. A Sticky Situation

"Okay," Romeo said to the ceiling, "so maybe I didn't totally think this through."

 _"Why?"_ the girl next to him half-wailed half-sobbed, and he totally would've started feeling guilty about it except – _oh yeah,_ it was all _her_ flipping idiot fault.

"Y'know, I used to _like_ rock candy," Romeo mumbled, giving the shiny structure binding him in place a half-hearted lick. They had _warned_ him, he remembered ruefully. The others had _told_ him that Airstream was one of the worst villains to go after, and he hadn't _listened._ Which was why he'd been sitting in a stupidly hard to break rock candy casing for the past half hour, licking at the stuff until his tongue turned to sandpaper.

It _sucked,_ and Airstream was no help. Who creates a freaking doomsday device that encases people in candy? Who forgets to _program_ the thing to not target _themselve_ s? _Who forgets to put in a reverse button, for chocolate's sake?!_

The white cat across from him glared daggers at the both of them, as if to say, _You're all idiots._

Romeo kind of agreed.

"Are you _sure_ there's no failsafe of any kind?" he sighed for the umpteenth time.

"We're going to have to wait until Natsu shows up," the villain beside him replied miserably. "I'm such a failure…"

"Who in the world is _Natsu?"_ Romeo demanded, but the girl only turned away, looking like all her dreams had been crushed to pieces and mumbling about how _she'd be so disappointed, I'm such a horrible villain, can't even make a good doomsday device, I'm going to have to study the Rulebook for hours and hours…_

He sighed. "Well, I hope this Natsu guy is going to show up soon, because we were going to order in pizza tonight, and I had _so_ better not – "

" _Weeeenddyyyyy!_ "

SkyHigh suddenly perked up. " _Natsu!"_

"Oh, thank God," was all Romeo could say.

The door slammed open to reveal a person with ridiculously pink hair, who… otherwise looked completely normal.

Romeo blinked. He'd been expecting another supervillain or something. But aside from the hair, this dude looked like any other high school student.

Oh, wait, never mind – the dude was backing away with wide eyes. That looked like typical caught-supervillain behavior. Maybe…

Romeo was just beginning to realize that he'd actually just seen a supervillain's secret identity when Natsu turned to Airstream and hissed, "Superhero?"

She nodded. Or tried to, anyway.

"Archenemy?"

"No, we just met."

"Oh." Natsu looked from her to Romeo, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Do you want him as an arch nemesis?"

She blinked. "Um…"

" _Hands off, foul beast!"_

And suddenly, like a brilliant comet, there was Sting, shattering the window and streaking into the room.

"Nobody move or I'll shoot!" he yelled.

There was a very awkward silence after this statement.

"Who the heck are you?" Natsu asked blankly.

Sting stared at him. " _Are you serious_."

"Should I know you, or…"

"I'm _Incandescence_ ," Sting spluttered. "I've been in the newspapers, like, _five times._ I'm a _superhero._ I'm _famous."_

Natsu still looked lost. "Uhh… Okay?"

"He's one of the Twin Dragons," Romeo put in, because after all, Sting was trying to save him, so the least he could do was give the guy some help.

"Okay, nope, still lost on me. Are you like, buddies with Lucy or something?"

To Romeo's surprise, Sting's face went colder than a blizzard.

" _You know where Lucy is?!"_

Natsu raised a finger. Lowered it. "Uh."

"Okay, change of plans." Sting grabbed Airstream, who squeaked. "Tell me where Salamander is. Or the kid gets it."

Natsu's disbelieving gaze shot from Sting to Airstream, then back up at Sting's face. "You're kidding, right?"

" _Tell me where Salamander is!"_ Sting roared.

"Did something happen to Lucy?" Romeo questioned, suddenly worried for the older girl. He'd never seen Sting freak out like this before.

But he never got his reply, because then Natsu leaned back against the doorway and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't know what you're making such a fuss for, man. You looking for Salamander?"

He cracked a grin, thumb coming up to point directly at his own face. "You're looking at him."


	5. Fight Me!

**A/N: Um, so Guest wanted me to describe the characters, but how so? Physical descriptions? Costumes?**

 **Lots of you wanted me to make the chapters longer, but if I do it'll take me literally forever to update, so I am very sorry. I tried to stick to a longer chapter size for Faith, Trust, and Happy Dust, and it just wasn't working out. So the chapters will probably stay this size, but I hope to update more often.**

 **Oh yeah, and I joined a contest at inkitt** **.com** **(slash) stories (slash) scifi/40876** **, and I'd really appreciate it if you helped vote for my story by clicking the Get Free Copy button! If I win, I get published, and as the name suggests, you'd get a free copy! Please do go and check it out! (Remember to remove the spaces and replace the "dot" and "slash" with their actual symbols in the link!)**

* * *

"Lucy," Levy said delicately, laying a phone in front of her, "please tell me you have an explanation for this."

Lucy blinked up at her best friend for a few seconds before glancing down at the screen of the cell phone and promptly choking on her soda.

Five minutes of coughing later, it was all she could do to stare at the video over and over again five minutes before she finally blurted, "I have to go."

"No. You don't have to go anywhere. You are going to _sit here_ and _explain_ to me how come _Incandescence and Salamander_ , of all people, are _wreaking havoc on the city_ because of you."

Lucy buried her face in her hands. "I'm an idiot."

"No, you're not, and you're going to explain to me right now what's going on because they are getting _dangerously close_ to Sweet Dreams, and if my favorite candy shop gets destroyed, people are going to be answering for it." Levy folded her arms. "Lucy, _what did you do?"_

Lucy looked up into her best friend's eyes, and every single lie she'd prepared died on her lips. "I joined Salamander."

Levy paused for a second. "Say what?"

"Please don't make me say it twice."

"You… joined Salamander."

"Levy, I can explain."

"I thought you _hated_ Salamander."

"I… I _did._ Or, I mean, I thought I did. I don't know. It's really complicated, okay?"

Levy regarded her best friend with an interested expression she usually reserved for a complicated math problem. "Lucy, have you been brainwashed?"

There was a pause.

"I don't _feel_ brainwashed," she admitted.

Levy nodded, as if that solved everything. "So I guess that means I can finally tell you about my part-time job."

"I… You… _What?_ "

But Levy never got to respond, mostly because it was right then and there that Salamander himself slammed straight through Lucy's window, sending shards of broken glass straight toward the two girls.

Good thing Lucy held the record for fastest superhuman transformation speed and had the foresight to dive on top of Levy before anyone could get seriously hurt.

"What the heck is _wrong_ with you?!" she screeched at Natsu over the sound of the wailing house alarm. "You could've _killed_ somebody!"

"Blame your idiot friend over there!" he shot back, spitting fire. " _He's_ the one who flipping _threw me through a window!"_

Lucy opened her mouth to shoot back an angry retort, but then Natsu's eyes widened, and he dove to the side. A blinding flash of pure energy shot straight through the broken window, Sting's voice yelling, "C'MON OUT AND _FIGHT ME,_ YOU DIRTY BRAINWASHER!"

"For the _last time,_ I DIDN'T BRAINWASH ANYONE!" Natsu hollered back. "But if it's a fight you want… FIRE DRAGON'S ROAR!"

A wave of flame blasted out the window, setting Lucy's curtains and ceiling on fire. Lucy shrieked an incomprehensible stream of angry words at him, hopping to her feet, but Natsu was already swinging out the burning window to face Sting.

"He's _always_ like this," Levy muttered under her breath. "The insurance people are going to kill us."

Lucy stared at her best friend. "Wait, hold up, _what?_ Since when…"

"Since I became his secretary," was the nonchalant reply. "Oh, and Lucy? You should probably duck."

Lucy would've spent five minutes screeching at her best friend for not telling her the aforementioned information sooner, except Levy was right. She ducked, and Sting went sailing over her head right through her bedroom wall.

Lucy stared openmouthed at the remains of what had been a perfectly good wall. "My dad is going to _kill_ me when he gets home."

"Wendy?!" Natsu shouted. "You okay?"

To Lucy's eternal shock, a little girl popped out of the rubble. "I-I'm fine! _Eeek!"_

Sting's hand shot out, latching onto her ankle. "You're not going anywhere until – _Lucy?!"_

Natsu bounded in through the window. "Hey, Incantation or whatever your name is, I don't mind fighting you, but could you _please_ leave Wendy out of it? Kid's gonna have a heart attack!"

Sting responded by stammering a string of incomprehensible sounds and pointing at Lucy, who awkwardly cleared her throat.

"Uh, so maybe I've got a little bit of explaining to do."


End file.
